so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
