Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
