No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i just google imaged poop.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
