This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
