We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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