Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize