I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
