i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Is it penis luge time yet?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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