You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
