I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
