The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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