wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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