He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
