best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Randomize
