i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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