I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
