why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
