Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Can I color on your dick again?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Randomize
