We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just sucked dick on a ferry
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
