i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
