Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
