just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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