While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
