Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
