no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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