you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Randomize
