Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
pop tarts are not kleenex
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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