Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
