I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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