Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize