i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
