i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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