so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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