So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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