hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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