I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
