he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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