My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
