did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize