Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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