just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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