I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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