I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize