Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
should my penis look like a turkey
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize