I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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