at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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