So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
