I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
