smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
