I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize