halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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