I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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