Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
