Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
