I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
