Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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