Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
