And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You can't motorboat a personality
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
