it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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