how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
