Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Boobs speak an international language.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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