I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
