Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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