Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I cannot find my penis.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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