if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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