he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
