check it out our google latitudes are spooning
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
