the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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