check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
