just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
it glows. i had to have it.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
